Is this such a good idea? Thats me in the shower… Well just out the shower… No… I am not planning a Leslie Grantham… Just trying to capture the mood as I think about something.

Is this such a good idea? Only thinking this because I think it might be upsetting people I care about, People that I won’t be blogging about because they are the present and future… not the past which I messed up. In the space of an hour, I’ve had a few family members and someone else that I care a lot for… Plus an old friend… Not telling me to stop, but perhaps misunderstanding that because I talk about the past and the mistakes I have made… It does not mean that I want the past back. Its about understanding the past and breaking the cycle… and not going round in circles or making those mistakes again.

The goal of this is to realise what’s going on… write it down and not do it again… or find other ways of doing it…

So I started writing this post 10 minutes ago, half thinking that perhaps by the end of writing (I dont pre-think these, just write as it comes into my head) I may just stop, because I don’t want to mess up anything that I am really hoping for in the future. But then I’ve decided, Whats the point of leaving this… not addressing the problems and end up still being a dick?

I am not going to stop, I am gonna keep going and I think that although they wont realise it now… Those family, Friend and people I really am starting to care for will see that this has done nothing but making my relationships with them now and in the future a million times better.

I haven’t made any mistakes like the ones I written about in absolutly ages, a good few months.. which is a record… and I have never admitted a problem before… I hope that the last mistake was the last!

I hate upsetting people, it really bothers me.